Double Aught Spy

Instead, he resembles the large villain “Jaws”

James Bond movies are popular because men, no matter how far removed they are from having any James Bond qualities, imagine themselves as the dapper spy in some way. James Bond can charm glamorous ladies from around the globe. The average man can take pride in impressing the ladies at the local VFW hall with an ability to set up the microphone for the post’s karaoke night. Bond can endure ordeal after ordeal, always emerging unscathed to immediately attend a formal event well-groomed and in a tuxedo. My wife says that I can’t even make a peanut butter sandwich without making a mess. The biggest divide between the real James Bond and any “Double Aught” wanna-be is the gadgets. Only Bond would need to use a bagpipe flamethrower. Owning a combination safecracker/copy machine would be nice, especially for those who forget their home safe combination, but for most men, the closest they come to tricky gadgets are stud finders or voltage testers. Domesticated James Bond types have their foes to fight as well. My wife turns into “Dr. No” every time I want to use my toolbox of gadgets on our HVAC unit to quiet a noise or unclog a drain line. When I get those Bond-like ideas in my head, she pulls out her favorite gadget, her smartphone, and sends an IM to our HVAC provider. When the qualified HVAC tech arrives to make any repairs or to simply clean and fine-tune our HVAC equipment, I stand idly by like one of those Bond girls while that tech goes to work. He does not look like James Bond. Instead, he resembles the large villain “Jaws”. His dental work must come in handy when bending or cutting sheet metal to repair damaged HVAC ductwork.

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